Girls: Why do you always wanna have sex?
Guys: Why do you always wanna talk?
hervacationh0me: I swear to god if the person I’m marrying doesn’t tear up and have the biggest fucking smile on when I start walking down the aisle at the wedding I’m just going to turn around and leave Leave then, shit.
My win for the day
Rachel: Whenever I see a dick I think the head looks like Darth Vader's helmet.
Me: Is it because you've been choked by one before?
Shujinkov: 3 frame forward fierce
Shidosha: lol yea thats -27 on block
Xxjonas389xx: My dick is +18 on block
hervacationh0me: I’ll convert to Judaism before I let a girl friend zone me. Fuck I look like, nigga?
hervacationh0me: How do you get fucked up by the same dude your girl cheated on you with? Nah. It’s not going down. Something’s gotta give. Somebody gotta go, nigga. Nah. This is the most emasculating thing I’ve ever heard of.
When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted,...– David Bednar (via makkon) #shitwhitepeoplesay (via theropods)
projectsatan: I wish there was a way to turn my sperm green so every time I skeet I can make a chick look like she just won a kids choice award
Cousin: Knock knock.
Me: This is gonna be terrible. Who's there.
Stop the fuck shit 2012
Ben Paddon Tumbls Down the Stairs: A common... →
benpaddon: A common reaction to learning that people actually read trash like Twilight and 50 Shades of Gray is “Well, at least they’re reading. Maybe their next book will be something good!” Which, to me, is akin to spotting someone sat at a table eating cow diarrhea and imagining that it’s probably just…